Tag: husband

Sometimes I have to Walk Away

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Today was tough. Not all day, but when I had to walk away. There are points in my life and marriage when I simply have to walk away. 
Being a youth pastor’s wife (and I’m sure, any ministerial wife) has its challenges. One of the challenges I am faced with occasionally is not know what to do, say, or think about something my husband is struggling with. Maybe it’s a message he has prepared and can’t seem to get to a good point in. Maybe it is church politics (every church has them). Maybe it is picking and choosing between church events and resting or going to family gatherings. The list could go on forever. 

So many times I wonder what he wants me to say, think, or do. Many times I try to gauge if he needs me to build him up or put him in his place. Should I point out that he is being ridiculous? Am I suppose to continue to compliment his 3 point message with its alliteration? How does he expect me to respond to this? 

Today, I didn’t know what else to tell him. I didn’t know how else to help. I simply had to walk away. I grabbed my pool bag and a book (Wonder Struck by Margaret Feinberg) and left. Not out of anger or even frustration, but because he needed a day to just sit, think, pray, contemplate, seek advice, … A day to just be. 

I hate walking away, but more than that I hate watching him struggle. I want to help him fix it. I want to be his friend, helper, soulmate. But today I couldn’t help any more than I had tried. 

It’s hard, marriage that is. 
I’m back at home now. About to eat dinner with my sweet husband. I hope and pray he is in a better place, but know that either way, God will take care of him even when I don’t know how to. 

The Best Marriage Advice

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I honestly don’t remember who first gave Kyle and I this advice, or when it first came. But the best marriage advice we have ever been given or could ever give doesn’t even really feel like marriage advice. It’s really just good life advice. 


Here it is:

If you are both growing closer to God, you will also be growing closer to each other.

It seems too simple and kind of like a “no duh!” moment, but think about it. If I am reading my bible, worshipping God, praying, and growing closer to God, AND Kyle is doing the same thing, we will be also growing closer to each other. 


When I take my eyes off of the distractions of the world (and yes, a husband can be a distraction sometimes) and focus on the Creator of the world (God), I begin to grow closer to Him. If my husband will also do this and grow closer to God, then we are both moving towards the same thing, God, and therefore becoming closer to each other. 


It sounds simple and I wish I were better at it, but I fail daily to do this. Yet it is still the best advice for life, and marriage, I have ever reviewed or could ever give. So today, let’s all strive to grow closer to God and out spouses!

Becoming a Youth Pastor’s Wife

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As some of you may have read in a previous post (here), Kyle and I met as teenagers…so obviously he wasn’t a youth pastor when we began dating. Even when we were engaged and first married, Kyle wasn’t in the ministry. However, I knew he would be in the ministry one day. 

Let me explain.

Kyle first felt called into ministry as a 16 year old but soon realized that he did not want to be a pastor. He told me this pretty early on in our dating. I knew that God’s calling on someone’s life didn’t go away when that person didn’t want to do it. I knew that eventually God would bring Kyle into a ministry job and he would follow the calling. 

I was not one of those girls who wanted to marry a pastor or sought out guys with that calling on their lives. I am not saying it is wrong if you did, but that just wasn’t me. I was raised by an architect and an accountant. My parents are godly people, but I never would have pictured myself as a pastor’s wife. However, my Great Aunt Sonya is a school teacher and is married to a pastor. I have always loved and adored her. I enjoy hearing ministry and missions stories when they visit and look up to her. So Kyle having a calling on his life didn’t scare me away. 

When we first married, Kyle was an accounts receivable clerk for an auto auction. He made decent money and was able to support us until I found a job. After almost 6 months of marriage he was laid off. We believe this was God’s way of getting Kyle on a mission trip he felt he was supposed to be on but his boss wouldn’t give him time off. Kyle went on the mission trip and God made it very clear that Kyle was supposed to be a youth pastor. 

He came home and wanted to enroll in school for ministry. He started volunteering heavily in our church’s youth ministry. He was focused on following God’s call and becoming a full time youth pastor…eventually. 


I knew at this point that we were in this…together. I had known this was coming for years and have always had a deep conviction that Kyle’s ministry would be mine also. I want to be involved in his work, ministry, and calling. I go on the youth trips. I attend the conferences and events. I listen to and encourage our students. 

Sometimes people ask me what my reaction to Kyle taking a ministry job was. And to be honest, I tell them that I knew it was coming. No he hasn’t always been a youth pastor, but I knew that God’s calling was still there. 

So here I am, a youth pastor’s wife. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

The Pastor’s Wife

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Yes, I am a pastor’s wife. Correction—a youth pastor’s wife. With this title/description/label comes many amazing and challenging things. But today I want to talk about a book I finished reading this weekend, The Pastor’s Wife by Gloria Furman. I’m not sure what I expected when I started this book, but in my opinion, every Christian woman would benefit from reading this book. 

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There are three parts to this book:

  1. Loving the Chief Shepherd
  2. Loving an Under-Shepherd
  3. Loving the Bride of Christ

 I think every woman needs to know how to love God, love their spouse (even if he isn’t a pastor/under-shepherd), and love the church. These are essentially the three things that Gloria writes about. She slathers this book in scripture (which I adore!) and adds in humor from her own experiences of being a pastor’s wife (which you may or may not find humorous if you are not a pastor’s wife).

I hope that you will consider reading this book, pastor’s wife or not. 

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He Was Ready

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About nine months after God placed the desire to be a mom in my heart, Kyle asked me to read Psalm 127 out loud. I remember this like it was yesterday. We were in our kitchen, standing together. I read,

Psalm 127

A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to[a] those he loves.

3 Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
    whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
    when they contend with their opponents in court.

At the end of reading this passage Kyle just looked at me like I was suppose to read his mind. Please understand that my husband is a youth pastor currently in a bible college. He could have been telling me something he was excited about from school, studying for a sermon, ANYTHING!

When I didn’t begin to jump up and down with joy, Kyle became a little irritated. After months of me asking him about it and praying about it I wasn’t excited, but I truly didn’t know what he wanted me to take out of this passage.

After we were both on the same page, we prayed together and began out exciting journey to parenthood! This passage still makes my heart quicken and reminds me how blessed we are. God is so good!